THE DEBT I WILL KEEP OWING; WILL NEVER FINISH PAYING

THE DEBT I WILL KEEP OWING; WILL NEVER FINISH PAYING

He saw me coming his direction and acted fast before I could remember anything thereby only leaving me behind to stand in unprecedented shock and awe. It was so callous the way he did it and I could not explain exactly how and why it happened.

I was actually smiling the normal way, ready for even a hug, not just a handshake because we have become so intimate( or so I thought) that we have always begun to greet with intimacy seeming to even forget that we were both males.

But today?

Well, I was going to find out later whatever it was. I would get to the root of the reason; the reason for the sudden change, for the sudden swerve and ungodly riddance when I was already arms-open and smile-widened, but he dodging with an unlucky face, making it seem as if I was actually carrying a heap of excrement on my head.

The worst mistake I made that day was actually to visit his room that night for explanations as that was where every other issue escalated. All the words he used on me was smelling and thicker than the whole excrement he might have seen on me earlier in the day. It was more painful to hear him referring to the relationship I had had with him all along as simply an ingenuine one and that born out of sheer selfishness on my side.

And yet, I could not place my hand on anything as responsible for his actions.

As was always the normal thing, my own thought boiled down to my relationship with him all those years.

I had first met Zilly at the park as a stranded school boy who was defrauded of all his money; who came to write his PUME and do not have anywhere to sleep and who would have little changes of writing that exam.

I absorbed him, as was always the normal thing I always did, accommodated him for that, fed him for the night and even taught him extensively, revealing to him all the secrets needed for him to pass the exam. Anyone that saw me and him would think he was my younger brother or that we had known for long.

As we prayed, he got admitted and the relationship became even stronger. He became my closest and everything I had belonged to him. We began to share everything together, starting from food, to body creams, to clothes, to ideas and even feelings. And even though I was later going to notice that he was hot-tempered and rude, it only lent me the understanding to begin to learn tolerance, patience and love. I became the one at the receiving end always having to bear with him in almost everything, most of the times very painfully.

It was therefore ridiculous how he became the first to even stab me at my clean, unassuming and defenseless back. I now thought it was time to speak out, at least.

“Speak out at least, even if it is just for this once”

But before I could convince myself on whether to speak out or not, he began to even do more evil, carrying my name about and telling people all sort of things about me; things that the ear could not condone and to my surprise, people believed him in all and I wondered which charm he used. At least, I thought, it was enough reason to actually deal with him.

My heart determined, I brought out time think of something tangible to do to him to remind him at least that I am not an a dumb fellow, I am not an animal. All I could hear my heart say to me was: “There is only one debt you owe all men which you can never finish paying; THE DEBT OF LOVE

What?

Is that not ridiculous? I could not simply bring myself to believe that I should go ahead and love and forgive someone who had done me only wrong to return all  my good and who does not even feel the least sorry for all his misdeeds; in fact, who was ready to do more.

But come to think of it, if your mother did not forgive you the first time you did your pee into her food as a baby, she might have made you with wipe it with your hair.

If your Dad paid you back for bringing him  ‘fines’ from school instead of good news about promotion , he might have thrown you into the fire.

If God did not forgive us our sins and died for us, we should have been making preparations to dance atilogu with the devil in hell

Lastly, if God should punish all your enemies for the wrong they did to you, you have as well even died because of the people you offended.

There is a debt we all owe every man which can never be fully paid, which continues daily as we live, and which can never end for any reason and which should be unconditional. This debt is the debt of LOVE, true love without attachments. That is the only way we can keep living and that is the surest way we can even find out when we are wrong.

Funny enough, when I went to Zilly after I forgave him to beg him for forgiveness, I discovered after he opened up that I was the cause of his recent disposition. I was the wrong person. I would never ever had thought of that.